It’s just me and Lynne giving life now, and she’s going on and on about how a rose’s color has meaning and some kind of symbolization to it. She’s so excited about it that I have to let her go on. To see her face light up, all I can do is admire her.
For someone who has lost a part of who they are, it seems like she has become even more of a person. Of course I didn’t know her before she lost her foot, but she really is something now. She has a reason to be angry but she’s not, I have no reason to be angry but I am.
Now she is on the color yellow. Her color. The color I first saw her in. She tells me that a yellow rose represents true friendship. Happiness. If I could grow a yellow rose maybe I would give it to her, but chances are what should have been a yellow rose would come up a black rose.
I sit here planting these lilies with her on the shaded side of the building. The dark side of the building, and all I can really think about is how my feelings for her are abnormal. Mutated. Black. Dark. These words and words like them. When these lilies begin to grow I can only picture what should be white being black.
Summary
This is a short, introspective piece from a first-person narrator who is planting flowers (lilies) with a companion named Lynne. The narrator is struggling with intense feelings of self-loathing, anger, and “darkness,” which stand in stark contrast to Lynne, who is resilient, happy, and a source of light despite having “lost her foot.” The narrator admires Lynne deeply but perceives their own feelings for her as “abnormal” and “mutated,” believing they will corrupt the very life they are trying to create (the flowers).
Key Elements of the Analysis
1. Narrative Voice and Tone
- Narrator: The story is told from a deeply internal and confessional perspective. The narrator is brooding, self-critical, and melancholic.
- Tone: The overall tone is one of angst and tender admiration. There is a heavy, somber quality to the narrator’s thoughts, which contrasts sharply with the “light” they see in Lynne.
2. Central Conflict: Internal Turmoil
The primary conflict is not between the narrator and Lynne, but within the narrator. This is established in the powerful juxtaposition:
“She has a reason to be angry but she’s not, I have no reason to be angry but I am.”
The narrator is grappling with an internal darkness they cannot explain, which is made even more stark when compared to Lynne, who has overcome tangible trauma with grace.
3. Character Analysis
- The Narrator:
- Self-Perception: Sees themself as a corrupting force. They believe they would turn a “yellow rose” into a “black rose” and that the “white” lilies will grow “black.”
- Feelings for Lynne: The narrator deeply admires Lynne (“all I can do is admire her”). However, they view their own feelings as “abnormal. Mutated. Black. Dark.” This suggests a powerful love or affection that the narrator believes is tainted or wrong, possibly due to their own self-loathing.
- Lynne:
- Foil: She serves as a perfect foil (a character who contrasts with another to highlight particular qualities) to the narrator.
- Resilience: She has “lost a part of who they are” (her foot) but has “become even more of a person.” She represents hope and the ability to find joy after suffering.
- Symbolism: She is associated with light (“face light up”) and the color yellow (“Her color”), which she defines as representing “true friendship” and “happiness.”
4. Core Themes and Symbolism
- Light vs. Dark (Color Symbolism): This is the most dominant theme.
- Lynne (Light): Associated with yellow (happiness, friendship) and the light in her face.
- Narrator (Dark): Associated with black (black rose, black lilies) and the physical shade (“shaded side of the building. The dark side…”). The setting directly mirrors the narrator’s internal state.
- Purity vs. Corruption: The narrator is engaged in an act of creation (“giving life,” planting flowers), but they are convinced their touch is corrupting.
- Yellow Rose: Represents the pure, happy friendship that Lynne offers.
- White Lily: Traditionally a symbol of purity and new life.
- Black Rose/Lily: Represents the narrator’s belief that their innate “darkness” will mutate and destroy anything pure they try to create.
- Perception of Self: The text is a powerful exploration of self-loathing. The narrator’s feelings for Lynne are likely pure admiration and love, but their own “dark” filter reinterprets these emotions as “abnormal” and “mutated.”